I Never Want Roommates.

Unless I really like you. And we really get along. And there’s no chance of us ending up hating each other. Which, right now, applies to about 3 people in my life. Friends, sure. But roommates? Not likely.

I’ve had roommates before, so I’m speaking from experience here. There was tons of stuff that bothered me about living with other people, but I’ll just outline the biggest issues. Otherwise this post will go on for days.

They’re never as clean as you are.

I don’t know what it is about kitchen sinks, but they always attract the grossest stuff. And for some reason, people think its okay to leave bowls half full of tuna salad in the sink for days and days. Okay, so maybe I leave a plate or glass in there from time to time, but for the most part, if it’s something that’s going to get gross, I clean it right away.

To that end, I usually seem to be the person always cleaning up after people. And I’m not a clean freak by any means. (You should see my room. War zone.) But it just really bothers me when there’s dust build up, dishes everywhere, gross spills….you know what I mean. We’re adults. Clean that sh*t up.

They eat your food and drink your booze.

And they never seem to have good stuff for you to steal. Now, I’m all over communal grocery shopping and just having the food be for everyone. But no one ever wants to do that. So they write their names on their food, and you respect that. But as soon as you leave your booze out unattended, its gone. And when they buy you replacements, that’s gone too before you can drink it. True story. Happened to me.

I’ve also noticed that if they do steal something from you, they never have anything as good as what they took for you to steal. It’s always super healthy, or super gross,  or super something that you don’t want.  Never a fair trade.

They’re passive aggressive.

If you have a problem with something I do, just tell me. Don’t dance around the issue, constantly be pissed about something, or, the worst, leave me notes. Just tell me what’s bothering you. This is the single reason why guy roommates are better than girls. You can tell them something straight out, and they fix it. They don’t take it personally, they just say “Okay, cool,” and go about their daily business. Makes life much easier.

This pisses me off.

Like I said, those are just a few reasons why I don’t want roommates. Hopefully, I won’t have to deal with them any time in the near future. But if I have to, I’ll be sure to let you know how it is.